Data-Server times out absolutely every time I try to start it, yet is still running

I'm running Quick Start local installation guide for Windows using Jboss for Appian 18.1

All the validations pan out, everything seems to work, but data-server always returns this error.

0 [main] INFO com.appian.data.TopologyFactory - Loading topology C:\appian181\appian\data-server\bin\..\conf\appian-topology.xml
347 [main] INFO com.appian.data.server.config.CustomPropertiesConfiguration - Configuration file custom.properties was loaded successfully. (Reload check = 30000 ms)
363 [main] INFO com.appian.data.server.Watchdog - Initializing log4j (processName=wd-5400, logsDir=C:\appian181\appian\data-server\bin\..\..\logs\data-server) from C:\appian181\appian\data-server\bin\..\conf\log4j.properties
2018-05-07 18:39:37,256 wd-5400 [main] INFO com.appian.data.server.JvmStarter - Starting JVM: C:\Program Files\Java\jdk1.8.0_171\jre\bin\java.exe -server -Duser.timezone=GMT -Xms64m -Xmx128m -Dds.home=C:\appian181\appian\data-server\bin\.. -cp C:\appian181\appian\data-server\bin\..\lib\appian-data-server-classpath-0.72.6.jar com.appian.data.server.Watchdog -f
2018-05-07 18:40:37,820 wd-5400 [main] ERROR com.appian.data.server.Watchdog - Shutting down with exit code 1...
com.appian.data.server.UnrecoverableError: Established WebSocket connection but failed to receive heartbeat from data-server:5400.
at com.appian.data.server.HeartbeatListener$SyncHeartbeatListenerBuilder.create(HeartbeatListener.java:157)
at com.appian.data.server.JvmStarter.startSync(JvmStarter.java:45)
at com.appian.data.server.Watchdog.main(Watchdog.java:697)
Caused by: java.util.concurrent.TimeoutException: Timeout waiting for task.
at com.google.common.util.concurrent.AbstractFuture$Sync.get(AbstractFuture.java:269)
at com.google.common.util.concurrent.AbstractFuture.get(AbstractFuture.java:96)
at com.google.common.util.concurrent.Uninterruptibles.getUninterruptibly(Uninterruptibles.java:173)
at com.appian.data.server.HeartbeatListener$SyncHeartbeatListenerBuilder.create(HeartbeatListener.java:131)
... 2 more

I have seen absolutely NO posts about Heartbeat or HeartbeatListener or Watchdog.

I have verified PATH system variables are correct (%JAVA HOME%).

I have verified <REPO HOME> custom.properties.dev file multiple times.

I have verified <REPO HOME> \jboss\  appian-mysql-ds.xml.dev multiple times.

I have verified that the name of the datasource is correct and logged into said datasource using MySQL workbench to confirm.

I have verified numerous times that I've removed everything about cookies from web.war\WEB-INF\web.xml numerous times.

I have double-checked to delete everything from every path related to appian installation which has a .failed, .undeployed, or .isdeploying extension, even from my entire computer between each attempt.

I always shut down everything in the correct order and check to make sure no java is running at all before trying again.  I've even rebooted my machine to make sure there wasn't an existing jboss execution still running in the background.

What else could it possibly be?

Did I mention that I never get Jboss to run without error as well?  I don't know if it's related or not, so I'll ask a separate question why JBoss never runs properly.